Family Rituals

Tim Winton recently said ‘the poverty of mainstream modern Australian rituals is astounding. We’ve scraped our culture bare of ritual pathways to adulthood’. (April 9, 2018). It caused quite a reaction. Over decades, many Social Researchers have examined everyday rituals and the perceived impact they have on our lives. Overwhelmingly, it is believed, that rituals are very important; they create connections and shared memories amongst us.

Let’s have a look at rituals in the family context. Think about your own family of origin? What was your childhood experience of meal times, birthdays, holidays and weekend activities? When you’re together with your extended family are your current relationships influenced by these shared memories?

Now think about your own family? Do you have rituals that bring you all together? Where everyone knows what is expected of him or her? In our family, birthdays are surefire things. The birthday dinner is at home, the menu chosen by the person on their special day, homemade cards are created and memories shared. All of us know what is expected of each other.

It’s important to note that not every ritual shared is necessarily going to always be positive and happy. At times, we are not all going to get along or feel like the particular ritual we are sharing. But, that is what relationships are about, a dance between mismatch, rupture and repair.  We need to continuously provide opportunities for shared connections and creating memories to build our relationships. I remember one family holiday when it was our daughter’s turn to pick the activity. We were holidaying in Tasmania and she was keen to visit Port Arthur and go on the ghost tour. There was a fair bit of groaning from the rest of us but we agreed to the family rule and ritual. That ghost tour was the most frightening thing any of us had been on and we talked about it for years: what we thought would be lame was fabulous!

Having dinner together as a family is a ritual many of us take for granted, however some of us find too hard to do. There are some benefits that have been described countless times in the research and are worth just considering:

·      Improved relationships between family members

·      Improved nutrition and eating habits

·      Improved social behaviour among children.

Yes it takes effort but the benefits are worth it. Like everything, practice makes perfect and children get used to the ritual night after night (or thereabouts!).

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