Family Planning of a different kind.

I recently read an article from ABC Life by Carol Raabus titled “Want your kids to be friends when they’re older? Here’s how you can help them have a strong relationship” (21 May 2019). Our children aged 21, 23 and 25 are very close and enjoy each others company. I was interested to learn about the key factors and see if they applied to our family.

The first point absolutely rang true. Trish Purnell-Webb, a Clinical Psychologist from Relationship Institute Australasia, spoke about the importance of thinking about and discussing with your partner the type of family you want to create and “have an intention for the family unit”. Family planning of a different kind! This includes the way family members are expected to speak to each other, support each others endeavours and behave at important family events. Definitely resonated with our family!

Why? My partner and I were encouraged to attend a premarriage workshop. We reluctantly attended but have always been appreciative of the outcomes of the workshop. We were encouraged to share our own experiences of family life and being parented and unpack the good and the bad. From here, we workshopped what we wanted our family to look life, what was important to us, what behaviours we wanted to model, what dreams we had for our (not yet conceived) children.

Over our family life journey we have touched base many times to reinforce our family plan or to help us get back on the right track. Our children have always known what was negotiable. The boundaries have been clear from the beginning. We have had the same two rules and the same expectations about celebrating traditions like birthdays, Christmas and family holidays. As Clinical Psychologist Andrew Fuller suggests, children can contribute to family rules and behavioural expectations but the parents should define and enforce and be in control.

This family planning and reflecting on the type of family you want to create is the important first step in the Parent Coach Platform.